Putting off the Inevitable

The last couple of weeks have been especially hard on my muscles and joints. The last couple of visits to my Rheumatologist she has recommended that I take Prednisone. I have already managed to put on approx. 75 lbs. since March of '08 by taking the medications that have already been prescribed and the word Prednisone just doesn't excite me; due to the usual weight gain that comes with it. Along with the Prednisone, my primary physician has told me that she is at her limit legally for how much pain medication she can prescribe me on an ongoing basis even with my pain contract and would like for me to go to the pain clinic for them to take over my long-term pain management. My first thought is..."the last thing that I want is another doctor appointment every couple of weeks especially at a drug clinic". Right now I am on what is termed as a "short acting" pain medication; the usual Percocet, Ultram, and Amitriptiline for pain control. My issue is that the amount that I need to take has increased and is causing me to have breakthrough pain that gets too hard to control and longer acting would be best to have a stable pain control plan.
This sounded better to me at first but then she explained what going to the pain clinic would be like and the medication regimen that I would need to begin taking. I am fighting taking that next step. The plan is to do a combination of Cortisone Injections, Morphine Patches and Methadone. I understand Morphine but I don't have any idea about Methadone. When I hear it I attribute it to the usual drug addict withdrawal treatment and the thought of me having to move to that level makes me very apprehensive and like I have somehow failed. This whole illness(es) make me feel as if I have failed in some way and this is just another notch to add to that list.
Unfortunately, I am afraid that it has come time to move forward as my doctors have recommended. The unknown scares me and the last thing that I want to become is unaware of what is going on around me and be drugged out too much to enjoy my family. So I will begin my research on what the treatment is and the pro's and con's. However, I can't take the pain at this constant level. For the first time in my adult life I feel helpless but I know it is time to change my treatment path. I know that I am not doing this on my own.
~ Thank You to my loving family.