Saturday, May 16, 2009
Medication, Sadness and Ice Cream
I have been contemplating since yesterday how to share this on my blog and if I really wanted to. I am so tired and angry about my illnesses and yet I am told that I need to take more pain meds and see a therapist to help me and my family cope with this long-term condition. It seems futile to just sit and talk to someone about what is going on, after all I would have to do so much to just get ready and I think that I get better therapy by just relaxing. At least my muscles and joints get the rest. There should be a mobile therapist, someone that comes to our homes to talk rather than make us go through the physical pain and embarrassment of getting there. That is another story. So, I started a new medication about a week and a half ago because of terrible side effects (yet again) and it's not working as well on the fibromyalgia pain as the other one did. I can't go back to the other one because it causes more problems than benefit. The doctors have changed my meds so many times and as you all know the primary medicine for Fibromyalgia pain is an anti-depressant. When you are changing someone from one anti-depressant to another what happens? That's right they go through a lot of emotional changes, but everyone just thinks that "she is on anti-depressant medication, so what could be wrong". Well what could be wrong is that the chemical changes that your brain goes through by changing them so often just after you have reached the recommended treatment dose, they plummet you to the bottom by changing you and then you come up again, but maybe its worse this time. I feel worse emotionally than I have since this whole ordeal began. Most concerning is that I have to let my doctor know and he will change or add another medication to again cause the roller coaster effect. All the while the aches, pains, rashes, headaches, and inflammation are still there. I am really feeling helpless in this vicious circle. Today I just don't have it in me to feel anything on the inside. I tried drowning my sorrows in a half gallon of Yogurt Ice Cream yesterday, but that didn't help and only made me feel worse. It was great for about a half hour as a matter of fact I don't think I felt much pain in that half hour because I love Ice Cream. I confess that Ice Cream is my comfort food and I can't eat it because too much makes me sick now and yes I am paying for my overindulgence yesterday. For a comfort food...it wasn't much comfort. I need to remember that.