Monday, July 6, 2009

Waiting for Test Results....Again

Well, I had a lot of testing done in the past two weeks and am still waiting for all the doctors to get their information together and let me know where we are going with my treatment. I am still having difficulty breathing and a lot of headaches. My muscles feel like I have been working out, you know the second day after you begin to work out...that kind of ache. My joints are doing pretty good except for my left ankle, right wrist, left fingers near the first knuckle, and my back. I have tried to reduce the amount of narcotic pain medication, but it is really hard because it does help some. I am afraid, because I know that my kidney's are giving me some trouble and I have been having chronic pain in the liver area again. One medicine that I am on is really strong and potentially damaging to the liver. Today I feel like I have bronchitis today. This really scares me because when I get it, I get a severe case. I should get a call today about my urine tests last week. They showed blood and protein in the sample. The blood isn't such an issue as much as the protein is. When you are having problems with your kidney's they spill protein into the urine which is an indication of some level of kidney failure. The waiting game is the worst! I hate it when I am right and the doctors call after a week of pain and anguish to tell me that I was right. I am trying to be quiet about how I am feeling because I know it wears out my family members because they worry so much. This fourth of July weekend I was thankful for our freedom, but selfishly wish that I had more physical freedom to do the things that I miss doing. The weather was beautiful and it really hurt me to not have the energy or ability to go out for a simple picnic or even to the movie theater with my family. I feel like the world is turning without me, but that is my self-loathing taking hold again. I am at a loss because I feel so horrible today and am tired of taking so many pills that I don't think are helping me, but are hurting me. I pray for strength and patience, but this is such a difficult lengthy process without an end in sight. Oh is another day in a Lupus life.

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