Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Very Frustrated and Hurting

Well, I received the early morning phone call from the Rheumatologist as expected. I called prior to the 4th of July holiday because I knew I had an infection somewhere and was hopeful that I would be able to get started on antibiotics prior to the long weekend. I should know better that things never move that fast. I have chronic fevers that range from 99 to 101 on a regular basis, so I get frustrated with them. However, I have become complacent to them. I should always listen to my body when other symptoms show like the inability to maintain body temperature and chills. I don't always get chills with the regular fevers and they only happen when in fact there is an infection going on.
I have spent the most of the day crying because I have been in extra pain in places that I haven't been feeling pain and discouraged because I don't think that there is one spot on my body that hasn't experienced pain from any one of my diseases or syndromes. I really was hopeful that I could get out of the house for a day or even part of a day for the holiday weekend, but I couldn't. I have had severe headaches, stomach aches, fever, chills, lower back ache, and so many others that I can't list. The constant thought of letting down others hurts my heart; even though I know they understand.
So, I have been doing research today on Bladder Infections and Lupus, only to learn that it is common. One thing about having this diagnosis is that every step we take we learn things in hindsight. I have struggled with chronic UTI's, Bladder, and Kidney infections for so long. It is rare that I am not struggling with one of them at any one time.
I am most upset that it takes so long to get a result for a simple infection that without diagnosing it and treating it early could turn into a horrible systemic infection if left untreated for too long. I am always on top of my health but I am at the mercy of multiple doctors and many labs and tests. I wish I could feel better for a little while. However, I never lose sight of how lucky I truly am. I am only human and am fighting my biggest battle of my life; a battle both physically and mentally. I hope I win.


Careccia said...

I am so sorry. I will work harder on my patience and conduct. I am sorry!!

PoCo JO said...

I understand and am trying my hardest to keep it together.

Daniel said...

Hey baby sister I love you very much!!!!!! If I can do anything ? Please let me know. I am here for you anytime. You know how i can talk on the phone, hehehe. So please call me anytime, Even if alls i do is here you cry, and breath. You don't even hafto to talk. I am here for you. I love you with all my heart. And am praying for a miracle, for you. Love Always. Gordo