Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day and Painful Hugs

I truly am happy that I am a mother. It is at least three things that I have done right in my life that I am absolutely sure about. I have a +1 though and that would of course be marrying my husband and sticking with him. The trick was all in brainwashing him to love me a lot before I got sick on him. That is the trick! Mother's Day to me has always felt strange, but this year is a little different. I appreciate it a lot more and yet I am ashamed that I look sick today. My butterfly rash on my face has decided to flare up as well as on my chest. The rash is the only thing that doesn't allow me to hide the fact that I am sick. When I don't have the rash it is easy to say "oh yeah I feel fine". However, the rash is something that my family can see and they show more concern and I know that I feel so much more vulnerable and like my Lupus force shield is down. I am not going to let it get to me though. Today is my day and I love Mother's Day. This is the only day that I can get many many hugs. Hugs....bring up another issue when you have Fibromyalgia as I do. My husband went to give me a hug first thing this morning and it hurt like a bone crushing hurt. He felt terrible, but the pain worked itself out and I will take the pain of his hugs any day. I have mixed emotions today, some may be just feeling sorry for myself, because it is beautiful outside and all I want to do is stay inside and watch a movie or play a game and my family doesn't have the choice but to do the same. Happy Mother's Day to every mother especially those mother's that cope with painful hugs.

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