Saturday, May 2, 2009

Just Control the Stress - Right!

It is easy to say "just don't stress about it". I wish it were that easy, but when things happen to the ones that you love and you are helpless but to watch, controlling stress goes right out the window. My husband of 25 yrs had a severe health issue that scared us both last evening and today we are just counting our blessings that he is going to be fine; after the emergency room performed an urgent heart procedure on him. Needless to say the stress went through the roof for me and the endless hours of standing at his bedside took its toll on my joints and skin. I felt so helpless, because a couple of years ago I could stand there and hold his hand for days while he went through medical surgeries, etc. Now to realize how limited my physical body is as compared to before is humbling. My mind wanted to stand, but I just couldn't do it. This made me feel less helpful, needed, and wanted. This is how I felt and not how he made me feel. I am learning that I am putting more pressure on myself than any of my loved ones would ever do. I am my worst critic. We made it through the night and now I am trying to regroup and get my pain back under control. I have an extreme photosensitivity to lighting and I only ended up with lesions on my face this morning. I was sure to keep the rest of myself covered. It is hard to grab the SPF85 as you are running out the door to the emergency room. Maybe this has taught me to keep the sunscreen in my purse since there are so many things that are now out of my control. This is hard for a control freak like me. Stress, Lupus, and UV lighting is not a good combination that I can control. Oh Boy!


Careccia said...

Having you near me was all I needed. You were my reason for getting better. Our girls as well of course.

mjbarnhart said...

How you could ever feel less wanted by John? I think you give him MORE strength than ever, and yes, I believe he wants you more than ever too. Yes - your are your own worse critic, but I think that is positive trait. I believe I know what Lupus stands for... Loretta Unflinchingly Pleases Ugly Spouse. (sorry John - can't think of another "u" word!)